We have come to learn that hints of toxicology reports indicating the employment of a date rape drug really means that Kim Robert hinted that her dance partner was impaired. We’ve also learned that in order to state that one’s “reading” indicates some conclusion one must not necessarily have had possession of what was read. We’ve been taught that no condoms might mean maybe condoms and that vaginal tearing is just Wendy Murphy's way of saying diffuse edema.
We’ve been informed that a brutal assault leaves no marks and that DNA testing will exonerate the innocent unless they lose the lottery. We’ve learned that a crock really is a pot to cook with or just another name for opportunity. We’ve learned that short and chubby is just another way to describe 6’3” and lean. We’ve learned that gay bashing is really shadow boxing, kicking in the butt doesn’t leave a bruise, that it takes an awful long time to retrieve DNA from a broom and that a towel in THE bathroom is just another way of say a towel outside another bathroom. We’ve learned that John Stevenson doesn’t discourse with readers and that Andrew Cohen prefers not to trifle with disguising his lies as spin.
We’ve learned that $60 acrylic nails are only $5 press-ons. We’ve learned that it’s ok to be the only one with DNA where the drivers park but criminal to have it in your bathroom trash can. We’ve heard tales of immaculate spit and nail washing. We were taught that prosecutors are not bound by ethical constraints at all times and that ATM’s lie. We’ve seen that harassing cabies is cool and rewarding probation violators is even better. We’ve learned that the right to counsel is for wimps and innocent people don’t need lawyers anyway. We’ve heard if they were innocent they’d ask for a speedy trial. Until they do. Lie detectors work the same way too, didn’t you know?
Of all that his been spun our way of the past several months, the most entertaining of the tales spun is the delicate spin, as told by Peter Baker, Linwood Wilson and other members of the nasty bunch, that a story really hasn’t changed even if it appears to have continually evolved from police report to medical report and back and forth again. For a while, it appeared that this pitch was going to be that the false ones story had not really changed but rather that it only appeared to have change becuase it was being relayed by third party police officers and medical professionals.
We have assumed for some time that at some point the inconsistencies would have leveled off and the tale would have some single, consistent, finely edited ready for prime time version. We expected that this point of consistency would have begun with the accusers first, or perhaps only, written version of events. We assumed that this written version would have been molded to coincide with the affidavits used to secure warrants, with the story of the other dancer or at the very least with the words of Mike Nifong subsequent to that imagined moment of consistency.
It appears that we were wrong.
From the details provided in Mr. Neff’s article yesterday we see that the written statement given by the accuser nearly one month after the non-event is every bit as bizarre as the versions that preceded the final cut. To think that the long awaited final version of events would be the 3 attacker and 3 accomplice version that we saw noted earlier was simply perfect for the conclusion of this bizarre drama. To see that this final edition includes not only six culprits but also a witness just outside the door, seemingly for the duration of the entire event, is simply too perfectly absurd. This written version seems to expand significantly upon the version used to acquire the search warrants and also seems to contradict Mr. Nifong’s assurances that there were only three imagined assailants.
The biggest contradiction, however, appears to be with none other than Nifong’s star date rape drug hinter, Kim Roberts. It is with great anticipation that we wait for the spin on how Ms. Roberts being outside really meant inside but outside the bathroom door and how Ms. Roberts waiting in her car for one or two of the Lax players to help a passed out on the back porch dreamer really equates to helping Adam the Short carry the accuser to the car after helping to dress her.
To learn that Ms. Roberts is now an accidental outcry witness is perhaps the biggest surprise. Someone really should have told Ms. Robert’s that she would be starring at trial as the first outcry witness before she gave all those interviews saying she “can’t say a rape occurred - and never will.”