Monday, September 25, 2006

The Art of Nifongese

"I'm glad Bannon brought up the internet. The internet is reporting that I gave 50-70 interviews. I've checked my calendar and have approximately 15 interviews noted on my calendar the last being April 1st. Otherwise I've been responding with no comment." - Mike Nifong, Duke Lacrosse Hoax hearing, September 22, 2006
According to the News and Observer:
HOW MANY? When one of the defense lawyers said that Nifong gave 50 to 70 interviews about the case, Nifong said he wanted to set the record straight. He checked his schedule and it showed that he actually gave more like 15 to 20 interviews. He said he had many conversations with reporters, some just to say that he would not comment on the case.But the number 50 came from Nifong himself. In a March 31 interview with a News & Observer reporter, Nifong was asked "How many interviews do you think you've given?" "In excess of 50," Nifong said.
Was the statement about 15 interviews an outright lie, evidence of Nifongian Mathematics, or a sign that Mr. Nifong is having memory problems?” Perhaps not…
"I've checked my calendar and have approximately 15 interviews noted on my calendar the last being April 1st."
What did Mr. Nifong just say? To one not familiar with Nifongese, it might appear that DA Mike Nifong just claimed he only gave 15 interviews. But did Mr. Nifong just claim it, really? Let’s get out LieStoppers’ copy of Nifongese to English Dictionary. Start translating. “I’ve checked my calendar…” could just mean that Mr. Nifong is not very good in writing down everything he does on his calendar. Nifong might have missed writing down on his calendar quite a few interviews he gave regarding the Duke Lacrosse Hoax, that’s all. Of course, Judge Osmond Smith, not having his copy of Nifongese to English Dictionary, might be under a mistaken impression that Mr. Nifong only gave 15 interviews, last one being on April 1st. Had the Judge realized Mr. Nifong was speaking in Nifongese, he might have asked some follow up questions to try and get to the truth.

“How many calendars total do you have, Mr. Nifong?”

“How careful are you regarding keeping track of things you do in your calendars, Mr. Nifong?”
“Does the calendar with 15 interviews expire on April 1st?”

And of course the most important question of all, “Regardless of how many interviews you have noted on your calendar, Mr. Nifong, how many interviews did you actually give, before and after April 1st?”

In fairness to Judge Smith, he followed Mr. Nifong’s calendar statement directly with a ruling granting the defense Motion to Modify Judge Titus’ Rule 3.6 order, saying words to the effect of: "I intend to manage this case. I will allow a modification of the order requiring compliance with all Rules of Professional Conduct, specifically Rules 3.6 and 3.8, in both letter and spirit by lawyers, agents and anyone acting on their behalf. I will modify the non-attorney line."

Thus, even without taking court time for a Nifongese to English translation, Judge Osmond Smith took the important step of modifying a fellow Judge's order in this case, allowing the witnesses to speak.

Still, it’s obvious to us that Judge Smith will have a difficult job of trying to translate from Nifongese to English ahead of him. To make Judge Smith’s job a little easier, we intend to send him an extra copy of the Nifongese to English Dictionary. LieStoppers thinks that Judge Smith needs to keep this dictionary handy when he has to deal with Mr. Nifong in court.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Nifong,
I think you should see your doctor as soon as possible. You definitely
have soon serious memory and emotional disorders. Those facial
expressions you exhibited in the court room are especially alarming; very abnormal. Have you been tested for a bipolar disorder?