Another Imaginary Encounter at Mel's Cafe

It was crowded at Mel's last night. The booths were packed like Times Square waiting for the big shiny New Year’s Ball to drop. Yeah, we locals had all heard the word on the Street. Sixty Minutes was strutting into town this weekend, and something Big was about to drop on the dusty streets of Durham all right. No, it wasn't New Year’s Eve... but it sure did signal new times ahead.

My head hurt, but my heart was lighter than it had been in a long time. I grabbed a place at the counter and the waitress, Marcy Jean, poured me a cup of Java and cocked her head toward the rear of the diner. "Somber little party back there, Sue Rose. So like, who died?” There at the back booth, sat three not-so-good friends of mine, Gottlieb, Wilson, and Baker. And yes, their expressions were as grim as a coffin salesman making a house call.

Sometimes folks say that the reason Sam and I have never heard wedding bells, is because I prefer trouble to a trip down the aisle. I took a drag on my cigarette and thought if I should just stay put. Marcy Jean gave me a knowing look, "Sue Rose, mind your business. They ain't in the mood for that mouth of yours. Linwood's sobbing into his third hanky and Baker eyes are blinking like defective light bulb in a bad-wired lamp."

"Sounds like the perfect time for Sue Rose to bring the boys a bit of cheer." I stubbed out my ciggy and sauntered over.

Gottlieb didn't notice me at first...Wilson was wiping away a stray tear… and Baker's hands shook as he clutched the TV Guide.

"Hi fellas." I slid in next to Linwood just as he hiccuped his last sob. Gottlieb glared at me.

"We're having a private meeting, Sue Rose. Go take your act somewhere else. You're as welcome here as good alibis in Nifong’s office."

"So you fellas watching Sixty Minutes Sunday night? How about you, Pat?" I gave them my perkiest smile.

"Let me say this, Sue Rose." Baker sputtered, in his best campaign voice." If people lie to our highly efficient, crack team of Durham's finest…why that's a shame! But if we were deceived by these Dancers, that's not my fault. Why, as an elected public servant, I vow always to stand for truth, justice and the American way. When I said the Accuser never told several stories…well, that depends on what your definition of "several" was. When I said I was "monitoring" the investigation, I meant "monitor in the sense of the kid in the school hallway. I mean, I meant..."

"Shut up, Baker," snarled Gottlieb "You don't owe this Broad any explanation."

"I can't be held responsible," sobbed Linwood "Even Cheshire will tell you… I didn't read the notes. Everyone knows, I didn't read the notes!"

"Et tu, Gottlieb?" sez I.

"Hey, Sue Rose… walk on back to the counter. I only did what Nifong directed me to do. I put it in writing, Baby...this big Palooka knows how to play the game. Now, get lost…we got important business."

"What's so important, boys, you can't whisper sweet nothings to a lanky pair of legs like mine?"

Bakers eyes were blinking hard...Linwood was sniffling, but Gottlieb answered.

"The election, Sue Rose,” said Gottlieb…as he unbuttoned his worn tan trench coat…to reveal a RN-VC tee-shirt underneath. "Pat, Linwood, and I are signing on as Block Captains for Cheek. Hasta la Vista, baby."

I chuckled as I walked away. The worm has turned, my friends, the ship is floundering, the earth has moved, and the Hoax is in last gasp.

Enjoy your fun and sun at the Beach this weekend, Nifong. Take a long look at that ocean, cause back here at home...after Sixty Minutes rows its Boat ashore Sunday...the Big Tide's gonna turn. And it's turning on you, Nifong, it's turning on YOU.

The events witnessed by Sue Rose in Mel’s Cafe are imaginary, of course.