Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Brodhead Morning Briefing II

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Good Morning, President Brodhead.
It's briefing time, if truth be told.
I see you've switched to Wheaties,
Breakfast of Champions...how droll!
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Here's an article about your speech
At the NAACP last week.
Much slicker, Dick, to speak to crowds
Than heartbroken parents in great need.
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Did you actually link...abuses of slavery
To righteous relevance in this case?
So society's historic burdens
Fall on Collin, Reade and Dave?
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Really? Well, it read like that.
"Black women commandeered" was your phrase
I thought they paid them $800 dollars
Your analogy seems strained...
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Your speech exudes such empathy
What? No, I'm not being snide.
Hey, when the parents begged to see you...
It was expedient to hide.
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You had to condemn them publicly
"What they did was bad enough!"
It was Duke's FIRST and ONLY stripper party!
You really needed to be tough!
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When the McFayden E-mail hit
Why our position on Duke "Courses."
Was we may teach it..but if you quote it
We'll pretend it's an original opus.
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Alright, of course...I'll move along.
Another op-ed in the Herald Sun...
Some student...Shadee Makalou
Yes, Dick ...that's the one.
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Yes, she teaches our "Hook-up seminars."
Our position here is clearly vetted.
Students, do NOT pay strippers to titillate.
Pay us! Titillation for one credit!
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But I digress...back to your speech.
Was this some Freudian underpinning...
"At the moment of trial we must protect...OURSELVES?!!!"
Yes, Dick, you're more sinned against than sinning.
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Well, that concludes our briefing, Dick.
You must bear your "burden or your mission."
How you've suffered! You're the victim here.
The tragic hero in your vision...
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"Oh, sharper than a serpents tooth..."
Dick, PLEASE! I've heard all these entreaties.
And by the way, Dick, I don't think it's wise
Combining Maalox with those Wheaties...

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Broadhead makes H.K.H.Brodie, not exactly known for compassion, political savvy, or love for Duke, look like Terry Sanford by comparison. But maybe we get the presidents we deserve. Look at what ticket puncher Nannerl helped do to Larry Summers at Harvard-- that was a real Confederacy of Dunces. Duke wants to be big league, yet why does the Board have such a time finding first class talent? sic semper tyrannis

Anonymous said...

What a disgrace to humanity this man Brodhead is...if you can even call him a man. You have to ask yourself what kind of people would do what he and the Duke Administration are doing to these young men. They are innocent... get over it and do the right thing. Brodhead has never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity to do the right thing. Yet he continues to screw up. Duke must come clean once and for all to move forward. The Duke 88 are a disgusting bunch and should all go. If Brodhead was a leader he would take a stand, apologize and clean house.

Anonymous said...

I guess the major qualification for a Duke President is to roll over on your back and cower.

Anonymous said...

The PR firm is only making things worse. Brodhead if possible has not only put both feet in his mouth, he is now successfully stuffing his legs and ass in as well. Hopefully he will be able to fit his whole body in and just disappear... wishful thinking. Hello...Duke Public Relations their are intelligent people out there in the world, not morons like you have on staff at Duke. Either do the right thing or shut up.

bill anderson said...

Joan, you rock once again! All Brodhead needed to do was to tell the truth. In fact, we know that the LAX players told the truth; why could Brodhead not do the same?!?

Anonymous said...

Question for the legal experts out there:

If Reade Seligmann were my son, meaning he would be at Duke on either an athletic or financial-need scholarship, and I would not be able to afford his bail, would he have to sit in jail for almost a full year, despite exculpatory evidence, while he awaits the trial? Or would the judge be more likley to move this trial along a lot faster knowing one of the accused is doing hard time pending the trial?

I ask this becasue, I am wondering if the boys civil rights in regard to their right to a speedy trial have been violated simply because their parents have the means to make bail?

Anonymous said...

Thank you Liestoppers! That cartoon made me fall out of my chair and, I must say, a Nifong decoder ring is a must. That explains why so many don't know what the hell is going on in Durham.

_

Anonymous said...

To John Wilkes Booth,

There seem to be a lot of people out there you do not like: the current President of Duke, the immediate past President of Duke, the board of trustees of both Duke and Harvard. Is there anyone out there you do like, other than Larry Summers? Oh, yes, now I remember. You are a big supporter of Donna Shalala because she stands by her out-of-control athletes. Good point.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Larry Summers the genius who announced that the reason why there are fewer women in the sciences than men is because of the innate differences between men and women. What exactly did he mean by that anyway? That women are dumber than men? Or that women have menstrual cycles? Maybe sic semper tyrannis should nominate Larry to be president of Duke. I am sure he would be a big hit with all the women down there.