Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Every Lad in Lacrosseville
Liked Christmas a lot.
But the Fong,
Who lived in Durhamville,
Most certainly...did not!
The Fong hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season.
He hated the Lads though it wasn't one reason.
It could have been envy, or he was a bad sport.
It could have been a lifetime stuck in traffic court.
It could have been spite, or a lack of life's graces.
.Or simply these fine lads had no moles on their faces...
.But last Christmas for Fong was most horrid of all.
Last Christmas, the Fong feared he might take a fall...
.His heart started shrinking.
Yes, shrinking in fear...
The primary was coming,
Yes, coming next year!
And the Fong feared the election,
The votes to be cast...
Because in Durhamville was the real Ghost....
Of the Fong's Christmas past!
.Her name was Freda...but she was no friend.
And the Fong had a fear that his career just might end.
.So as Christmas was ending and he watched New Year's floats...
The Fong was wondering..."How will I get votes?!!"
I fired Freda and turnabouts big...I might have to return to my social work gig!
The snow had all melted and the Spring had arrived.
The Fong's polls were pathetic...he wouldn't survive...
When what to his wondering eyes should appear?
But THE PERFECT Scenario ....one midnight so clear.
The Lads in Lacrossville made a poor party plan...
And decided to invite some strippers to dance.
And though Kim called it a" crock" when asked what she "thunk,"
And the cop said that Precious was just "passed out drunk,"
And many other details in the whole story stunk...
The Fong now had what he needed and would most dearly WANT!
The Fong didn't care if she said five or twenty.
He would just pick any story...she surely had plenty!
He was certain he'd get him some good DNA
When he didn't...he shrugged...Don't need that anyway!
And when two different times, the line-up dismayed her...
He made sure she'd pick someone, So he made them all PLAYERS!
The Fong went on Greta, and on Nancy Grace.
Turn on your TV...the Fong's all over the place.
And though he hadn't even spoken to the Accuser in question,
Or even done ANY kind of investigation...
To get the votes and endorsements he desired,
He indicted three Lads...'cause that's WHAT was required.
And so Fong was elected, (but more voted for others)
Then Christmas returned...and the Fong's frozen heart shuddered...
The Fong wondered why he still hated the season.
He'd railroaded the Lads...now that should have been pleasin'
And he smirked and insulted the defense fuddy-duddys...
And neither Judge ever stopped him...what very good buddies!
He'd stolen their Spring, their Summer and Fall.
Perhaps stealing their Christmas would be grandest of all!
Yes, he hoped to steal Christmas from the Lads and their friends
And that should make the tiny Fong-heart...finally expand.
But, nothing was joyful, not holly or elf...
For the truth is...the Fong...was stuck with himself.
For every vote he'd paid a very large price.
It put a pain in his Fong heart, now covered with ice.
And now on the talk shows, most reasonable lawyers,
Thought his case and his methods were prosecutorial horrors...
And behind the holly wreaths on many Durhamville doors...
The Fong's reputation would never be restored.
THEN...from way up in Lacrosseville...a sound could be heard!!!
The Fong was so startled...he said not a word.
The lads were still singing...singing the old Christmas songs!!!
And the folks who support them were singing along!!!
And their families, and fathers, and sisters and brothers,
The bloggers, and posters, and girlfriends, and Mothers!!
No false accusation, nor the guile of the Fong
Could keep Christmas from coming...coming so strong.
And in the midst of the circle stood Dave, Collin, and Reade.
And the lesson of Christmas, yes, each Christmas Eve...
Is that though Grinches, and Fongs, like the dark of the night,
Bring darkness upon us...we believe in the Light!
We believe in Goodness! We believe in Friends! We believe that Truth and Innocence wins!
And Sometimes Santa can bring something so shocking...
Let's pray for the Feds in the Fong's Christmas stocking.
Illustration by Baldo