Friday, March 02, 2007

Scapegoatology II: A Duke Course Guide!

Duke University
Department of Scapegoatology
Course Guide: The Field of Scapegoatology as Taught and Practiced at Duke University
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Although Scapegoatology has been practiced since at least biblical times, no one has yet truly conceptualized Scapegoatology as an independent field of practice and of academic study - until now.
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Times have changed. Scapegoatology’s golden moment in the sun has arrived with the announcement that it is being institutionalized at no less a bastion of academic integrity than Duke University. Over the following weeks, a full course of study will be set forth in a series of course syllabi – the courses are tentatively identified as follows.
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CORE COURSES: SCAPEGOATOLOGY 101-108
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Scapegoatology 101: Introduction to Scapegoatology. (Prerequisite for graduation for all persons attending Duke on athletic scholarships).
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Taught by Peter Wood, this course will introduce the discerning student to the concept and general practices of Scapegoatology, including an overview of the scapegoatology process and exploration of the goals of Scapegoating ... Numerous lab experiments and field exercises will be conducted. Students on athletic scholarship will have the thrilling experience of acting as scapegoats in all field exercises and lab experiments while those having declared majors in Sociology, Anthropology and AAAS will, of course, be afforded the opportunity to participate as scapegoaters.
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Scapegoatology 102: Sin Selection (or "Which Bony Finger of Shame Do You Want To Shake At Someone Today?").
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Taught by Visiting Professor Houston Baker, this course explores the selection of sins to lay upon a targeted scapegoat. The interplay between sin selection and the scapegoater’s ultimate goals will be explored in detail. Implications of sin selection upon creation or selection of one’s ultimate scapegoat will also be examined in depth.
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Scapegoatology 103: Selecting Your Scapegoat.
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Taught by Wahneema Lubiano, this course explores the thrills and pitfalls of selecting or creating your scapegoat.
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Prerequisites:
  • Academic Jargon and Gobbledygook 101, 102 & 103.
  • Ideological Indoctrination and Demagoguery 101.
Scapegoatology 104: The Laying On Of Sin
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Taught by Karla F.C. Holloway, this course is designed to help the aspiring student of Scapegoatology learn how to most effectively point the bony finger of blame on another unsuspecting person or group, and how to communicate effectively to others the manifest rightness of everyone collectively taking up the cries of “shame on you!” The course places a heavy emphasis on media relations and spin doctoring. In addition, selective hearing and selective deafness, avoiding inconvenient facts, and labeling anyone who questions your actions as a right wing reactionary will also be explored in detail. Adjunct Professors Michael Nifong, David Addison, and Mark Gottlieb will offer some very entertaining guest lectures on selected subplots.
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Scapegoatology 105: Into the Wilderness.
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This class will actually be taught by a panel of Adjunct Professors and Teaching Assistants, including Christina Headrick, Serena Sebring, Rann Bar-on, Jacob Remes and Shadee Malaklou. This course explores the practical mechanics of isolating your target scapegoat or small scapegoat group from others, thus denying them the comfort of belonging while subjecting them to harassment and intimidation, increasing stress (and therefore malleability), denying them practical benefits such as presumption of innocence, and otherwise making their lives miserable. The truly delightful prospect of getting others to do your work for you is explored in depth.In addition to their other duties, Shadee Malaklou will lead field trips to conduct field experiments in various bars near campus and Jacob Remes will operate the isolation chamber.
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Scapegoatology 106: Pushing Your Scapegoat off the Cliff (And the Consequences if you Don’t).
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Taught by Adjunct Professor Mike Nifong, this course explores the absolute necessity of actually burying your scapegoat and making sure it won’t come back to haunt you. Guest lectures from notable professors, including Wahneema Lubiano, will provide numerous practical examples of the consequences of not effectively burying your scapegoat by pushing it over that cliff.
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Scapegoatology 107: Milking The Scapegoat Process For All You Can.
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Taught by the subgroup chairpersons for the Campus Culture Initiative (CCI), this course is designed as a recapitulation and reaffirmation of the previous Scapegoatology Courses, and is designed to once again tie your “For Shame” scapegoating efforts back to actualization and furtherance of your hidden agendas.
The following books are required reading:
  • How to Demand Campus Initiatives
  • Selective Committee Stacking
  • Leadership Through Ignoring Your Committee Members
  • How to Make Taking Your Pet Course a Prerequisite for Graduation.

Scapegoatology 108: Ethics and Scapegoating (fulfills Duke ethics requirements; required for graduation)

Taught by Professor Kim Curtis, this class explores the mechanics of ignoring personal considerations such as morality, ethics, or guilt while simultaneously ascribing immorality and guilt to your scapegoat. The practical applications of vindictiveness, the role of prejudice, creative dissembling, demagoguery, retaliation as an art form, and creative disingenuousness will be explored in detail.

Scapegoatology III: Choosing The Sins, and Scapegoatology IV: Selecting or Creating Your Scapegoat, coming soon.

Brand

(Please note: No demagogues were injured in the making of this parody.)

2 comments:

Guy Fox said...

The scary thing is that this is fairly believable...

Anonymous said...

Great parody. Keep up the good work.