Sunday, May 27, 2007

"If You're Not Lyin', You're Not Tryin"

Now I get it!

No wonder Crystal was a hero
To the locals around town!
Taken to their bosom...
A Queen without a crown.

I've finally discovered
The secret of her sweet success:
In a town comprised of liars
Crystal ranked among their best!

Oh, perhaps not her presentation...
Baker was more polished, yes.
When he vouched for her "consistency"
Without blushing, to the press.

But she was certainly audacious.
Her only challenger, perhaps,
Was Wahneema...adding whole departments(!!!)
To her outrageous "Listening Ad."

But she could spin a tale like Gottlieb
And many more with impunity.
She could duck and weave like local lawyers
Defending Nifong on TV.

So many lies and obfuscations
In Queen Crystal's "back up Band!"
Remember "blunt force trauma"?
Remember Meehan on the stand?

The "inaccuracies" in coverage
In the local Durham Press!
The NC-NAACP case Narrative!
Hometown fibbers sure impressed!

In Durham they appreciate
Lying as "creative art."
They expect everyone to do it.
It's savvy and it's smart.

From the police force to politicos
To a "lady on the street."
Cover up! Make it up!
Deny! Invent! Mis-speak!

And Crystal found her consort.
In Mike Nifong the D.A.
They represent the Durham credo:
"A Good Lie Can Save The Day!"

Only in the town of Durham
Where lying is the local sport
Could Crystal find herself an equal
A world class liar of her sort.

Duly chosen and elected
By a majority of folks
Who saw Nifong's lying expertise
And so, offered up their votes.

And now the ever absent Chalmers
Needs to get into the game.
He now backs Crystal's "credibility"
At the eleventh hour, without shame.

Yes, Durham loves its liars.
And they all protect their own:
Cronies, Cops, and Crystal...
As long as they're "home-grown."
Joan Foster


Anonymous said...

Joan Foster hits another one out of the Park!

Durham's Motto should be

"Lying is our Business"

Anonymous said...

Joan!! Thank you for bringing mirth to an outrageous situation. You are a joy

Anonymous said...

Magnificent, well-done, Joan Foster!

10:35, "Lying is our Business" is the perfect complement to Duke's new motto "The Truth Doesn't Matter." Kind of brings Town and Gown together, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, Joan! I especially like these verses.

Only in the town of Durham
Where lying is the local sport
Could Crystal find herself an equal
A world class liar of her sort.

And now the ever absent Chalmers
Needs to get into the game.
He now backs Crystal's "credibility"
At the eleventh hour, without shame.

Yes, Durham loves its liars.
And they all protect their own:
Cronies, Cops, and Crystal...
As long as they're "home-grown."


Anonymous said...

Maybe "Lying Capital of the World" might be a good sign to post on the City limits!

Between Durham City Officals & Duke's Faculty they have quite a list of accomplished Liars.

bill anderson said...

Great work, Joan!!

Why should any of us be surprised that Durham's "finest" continue to lie, lie, lie. But instead of crystal, now it is the rest of the pack.

AHUMPHR964@AOL.COM said...


Anonymous said...

Carolyn says:

Wow! Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

Joan Foster does everything KC Johnson does but hilarious and in verse!

Guys, I adore you! But dang, I enjoy being a girl! ;>)

Anonymous said...

I just don't understand how all these people who have defended CGM, and those who continue to defend her, are willing to stake their reputations on the mere fact that she's a woman. Obviously, her character, her criminal past, and her medical history don't matter at all to them. Well, if you're willing to go down with her, then so be it.

Anonymous said...

I don't think anyone is defending Crystal,

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Technically, it was a plurality. The 'Fong only got 49% of the vote, with the remaining 51% going to the anti-Nifong candidates.

Anonymous said...

i used to respect the people who created this blog. it was one place i could come to see that i wasn't alone in my distress over what was happening to those innocent boys.

but i rarely come here anymore (not that any of you would care) because when i do, i read thing like: in a town comprised of liars and durham loves its liars.

my disdain for you people began with mr. anderson who has admitted that he's never been here and never wants to come. what do any of you really know about our city?

today, with your broad brushing, you've sealed it, joan. again, not that any of you will care. because i know you won't, but i'll never be back here.

you people are no better than the liars and bigots who started this whole mess.

joan foster said...

Ottavarima, we do care about your post. I'd hoped you'd realize the hyperbole intended in this poem, a common poetic device to be sure.

Durham has many honest people, I'm sure. Beth Brewer is one that comes to mind. I wish just one other Durhamite had had the courage to file in support of her attempt to remove Nifong.

I wish we had seen the council meeting overflowing with Durham folks demanding a complete and truthful accounting from its police and local politicians.Attendance seemed disappointingly sparse.

Words in a silly poem are soon forgotten. The consequences of retaining corrupt individuals in power over your town and your families are deadly serious. I hope you will channel your distress at my words into action where it is desperately needed: against, as you call them, "the liars and bigots who started this whole mess."

The honest folks in Durham deserve better.

Anonymous said...

It became clear to most rational people that Nifong & the PD were framing three innocent young men long ago. Certainly it became known when it was admitted in court DEC 15 that Nifong, Gottlieb, Himan, and Meehan had known that these players were innocent before any indictment.

What was the reaction of Durham? Where was the outrage? Where was the public outrage against the DA & Police when Cooper declared innocence? Durham citizens for the most part sat silently on the side.

Durham is wearing a Big RED LETTER because of its Leaders. Tough these words are hard to swallow for some in Durham. They should be!. This was a city that stood by watching while a 21st century lynching was attempted.

Mandelbrot's Chaos said...

Ottavarima, I was reminded of something that happened in Phenix City, AL, in 1954. At that time, Phenix City was a town controlled by organized crime, and it all culminated in the assassination of a candidate for Attorney General. The long and short of it is that the governor at the time called in the National Guard and declared martial law in that town, and a good chunk of their city government ended up getting hauled off. In the case of Durham, NC, the victim of the assassination is the justice system itself, though perhaps it would be more correct to say that it is an ongoing gang rape than an assassination. I'm sure there are some members of the Durham government who are good, honest people, but I find them shockingly absent in your District Attorney's office, your police department, your mayor, and your city manager, as does, I suspect, the author of this poem. It is that which I believe this poem addressed.

Anonymous said...

Between the N$O's articles and Nifong coming out shooting for the TV cameras after Ruthie "Silence is Sickening" essai, it is no wonder the less wordly folk of Durham were inflamed by this event. Don't lets humiliate these people. It is their problem and not ours.

Anonymous said...

"The honest folks in Durham deserve better."

Yes, we do.


Anonymous said...

Ottavarima - gotta disagree with you. I'm a Durham native who hates what this city has become. Being one of the many "quiet", normal, law-abiding citizens, I have come to this site and DIW for sanity. Durham is as corrupt as any city can be. There is the huge black majority that votes on color alone - Sterve Chalmers, Patrick Baker -- give me a break - what credentials do they have? High taxes and for what? Remember please, that had Steve Monks stayed out of the election, Nifong would not be our DA. Even with the black vote, which includes people in the cemeteries who seem to resurrect on election day and the pot-bangers, we still would have booted him. Durham is a disgrace and a place I'm ashamed to call home Were you born here, or are you transplanted. I'm a Durham native grateful to K.C., Joan, Bill Anderson, and all the rest who have shed light on this place. Having sat a a Durham jury, I'm convinced that those innocent young men would have gone to jail had there been a trial.