Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Deputy Chief with A Durham Attitude

"What I know about the Duke lacrosse case and the need for us to rebuild in the community seems to be a perception that's portrayed by you guys in the media. ... I know that our citizens are tired of the Duke lacrosse case, our officers are not so much tired of the Duke lacrosse case, but are probably getting a little impatient with how it's being covered and played out in the media and probably more importantly how people are asking them questions about it out there in the public....[I don't] recall that the Durham Police Department has been involved in something where we made major mistakes in the past five years"
- Durham Deputy Police Chief Ron Hodges

I'm the Deputy Police Chief
With a "Durham attitude"...
It's the media's wrong "perception"
Which "outsiders" misconstrued.
We're "impatient" with this coverage
We're all "tired" of this case.
So the Lacrosse kids were railroaded ...Oops!
Not our mistake!
Stop with all the questions!
"Out in public" ... that's just RUDE!
(But a year of public scourging
Of those Dukies ... we approve!)
To the citizens of Durham I'd say,
"Don't pay them no mind!"
The media doesn't understand
It's how we do things all the time.
Yes, indeed, our cops KNEW Crystal
And we knew what Crystal "did."
Why, the first Cop she encountered
Even asked about her "kids"!
So why ignore her history
And her wildly changing tales?
Well, local politics needed Dukies
Handcuffed and marched to jail!
Alibis annoyed us.
Our reaction was severe.
We arrested the best witness,
Tried to flip Elmo with fear.
Witness intimidation?
Hey! Elmo forgot his place!
We'd never let inconvenient truth
Mess up a crimeless case!
If we don't like the things we hear,
Our tactic is delay.
We don't write notes immediately.
Which might give our case away.
We wait until months later,
When we can shape and obfuscate.
And add those pretty details like -
Watching Crystal "ambulate!"
We believe in creativity
When necessity demands.
Crystal's six failed ID efforts
Required a more "helpful" plan.
So with some ingenuity
And no wrong answers to confuse
We set the cameras rolling
And got indictments to pursue!!
So why this bellyaching?
"On information and belief"
The whole town wanted Dukies
Swinging from the trees!!
The DPD came through for Nifong,
Without questions or complaints.
So, if you enjoyed our methods,
Choose me ... I know the game.
Choose me! The loyal local!
"Don't ask! Don't tell! Don't know!"
And with my "Durham attitude" ...
I'll keep the status quo!
Joan Foster


kbp said...

Thanks Joan!

Prime candidate there!

Anonymous said...

Great One Joan Foster!

I am beginning to think Chalmers, Hodge, Russ, Lamb, Ripberger, Addison, Gottlieb, Himan, and Clayton were all in on the frame job.

Anonymous said...

Devastating, Joan. You're still at the top of your game. Keep it up! --Bob Hyde, Duke '67

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Wish this could be printed in the N&O or at least sent to the city council.

bill anderson said...


It is not amazing how the powers that be in Durham continue to provide Really Bad Entertainment? The problem, of course, is that Hodge was serious. I suppose he really cannot figure what the fuss is about.

Apparently, most other Durhamites can't figure it out, either. When one pairs Hodge's outrageous remarks with David Addison's outrageous letter, you get a sense that the Durham police believe they are a law unto themselves.