Friday, September 07, 2007

Nifong's Hello Kitty Diary found in prison search

A search was made of Nifong's cell this afternoon and a deputy discovered this Hello Kitty Diary hidden under mattress.

Friday, September 7, 2007 - 12:37 A.M.

Dear Prison Diary-Hello, diary, it is me, Mikey...I am about to go to sleep, and I am a bit nervous, because tomorrow as you know, I will be going to prison since they say I am guilty of criminal contempt of court. Clearly, I am not. They bought my "apology" in court, I think, because I pretended I was sincere, but let's face it, most folks in Durham are easily fooled. They elected me twice! LOL!

Judge Osmond Smith is mean to me all the time. It is not at all like when my friend Judge Ron "Fluffy" Stephens was taking care of things. Normally i can stomp my feet and smirk in court and nobody says anything since they are all scared of me and how smart I am, but Judge Smith clearly does not know how things are supposed to work. He is a meanie! I hate you Osmond. You are a meanie!a meanie!a meanie!

Enough about mean Osmond, back to me, the most important person in the world, ever.

Tillie is safely pad-locked in her dog house I keep her in, so that she does not try to run away and find a more "ethical" master, like she did the day Fox news came to my driveway to make lies about me. (though i did come off looking GREAT in my bathrobe...I bet everyone was jealous of how svelte my pasty white legs looked).

I have just finished brushing my teeth, and lovingly caressing my trusty forehead mole, which I do nightly, since it provides me with all my really "big ideas" and i trust it and listen to its sage advice on legal matters.

I am taking off my pink bunny slippers, and I slide into my bed of nails for a restful sleep for the big day tomorrow.nighty night

Friday, September 7, 2007 - 6:43 A.M.

Dear Prison Diary-I wake up early, feeling fresh and renewed...I slip into my treasured pink tu-tu with the word "INTEGRITY" printed on the front in big purple letters. I leap gracefully over to my shoe closet, and pick out my tassled fuschia toe-shoes and I do my daily ballet routine which I long ago termed "The delicate dance of ethics". I did this routine EVERY day for my whole legal career to prepare me for the daily ritual legal dance with all the thousands of people who are clearly guilty no matter what that I have dealt with throughout my career.

Yes, my legal career is "technically" over since I have been disbarred. Lane Williamson is such a meanie too!I'm Lane Williamson Nyah Nyah Nyah ooooooooooo I can pass judgement on others...oooooo just cause I am on a bar committe ooooooo Lane I am so afraid of think you are so cool...but you can't see that I am making fun of you now, here in my room. I am still practicing law in my own head, so what do you think about that, Lane? You can't disbar me in my own room, or in my head, so I have beaten you, Lane.I am not scared of you, Lane, in fact, I have added you to my enemies list, so you will be sorry one day! I will also add you to my "delicate dance of ethics" routine, in a poignant moment where I leap from an arabesque stance into a backwards battement (a high kick, to symbolize me kicking out at the judicial unfairness I am surrounded by) then along to an allegro of moves showing me deftly avoiding your evil legal maneuvering. I avoid you easily with an elegant Jete, Me burning at my brightest, soaring over all in the legal arena. I end the routine with a Rond de Jambe, the closing of the balletic legal dance, with victory for me and death to all others.I am a legal danseur-noble which you, Lane Williamson can never be, and you despise me for it.Lane, you are petty and jealous, vindictive and gauche.from hell's heart I stab at thee, Lane Williamson, and with my last breath, I fling my Teddy Bear, Garth, at the picture of you I have taped to my wall.

I dress myself in my finest golf-looking attire, and go downstairs to indict my Cap'n Crunch, and consume its naughty and deliciously sweet crunchy flesh.

Victoria promised me she would be there this morning. I just hope she got rid of those frozen leftovers by now.

(Note! No Teddy Bears were injured in the parody of his diary - Flash)


Anonymous said...

Funny thing I bet it's how his mind works. He is always the center of everything. He thinks he is being picked on.

Anonymous said...

Its really sad he wasnt cuffed.

Anonymous said...

Nifong wouldn't know "INTEGRITY" if it walked up and bitchsplapped him in the face!
In the whole vast configuration of things, he is nothing more than a scurvy little spider.

Anonymous said...

Poor Twisted Little Mikey. Boo Hoo, "We're Fucked!"

This is what I love about the truth, you cannot make this stuff up.

Anonymous said...

Was the "Hello Kitty" diary a gift from Gang of 88 Professor Anne Allison?

Anonymous said...

Or maybe Cy tucked it in his Spiderman under-roos?

Anonymous said...

He can't help it, he suffers from LMS. Little man syndrome, it's chronic!

Anonymous said...

I wonder what his last meal was? Frozen Fried Chicken?

Anonymous said...

Well, it wasn't a heapin helpin of crow pie!