I saw Crystal kissing Santa Claus
Over at the Platinum Club last night
It was too cold to stroll
And they won't let her on the pole.
(Her fainting spells are making... their health insurance coverage fold.)
So I saw Crystal kissing Santa Claus
She looked so sweet just seated on his lap
As her false nails caressed his beard
She said... kissing strangers made her scared
Than suddenly, she took off... right into that Midnight clear!
Then I saw Crystal cursing Santa Claus
As she tried to hijack Santa's sleigh.
She accused him and three elves!!!
Or was it ten or was it twelve?
Rudolph almost trampled a policeman as Crystal whooped and yelled!
Then I saw Gottlieb collar Santa Claus
He said "Fool, your North Pole accent ain't no help.
Here the law is what we say,
Crystal NEVER has to pay
And the judges and the D.A.'s know just how the game is played."
Then I saw Judge Stephens sentence Santa Claus
And unless the Governor gives him a reprieve..
Christmas will be awfully glum..
Cause Santa was awfully dumb