Team Duke has finally chosen a name. As you know negotiations have been stalled for weeks on a choosing a Tribe name. Finally the Duke Defendants called in a consultant, Sam Hummel, who proposed a solution during his 12 hour seminar on Duke Forest Sustainability. He chastised the team on its carbon footprint and pointed out John Burness in particularly. Sam said “White males have the largest carbon footprint, that’s undeniable!” He added “It is a decided fact of scientific research and we all know that when we break down carbon usage on a race, class, gender, and shoe size.” And he added it’s time Duke University confronted this social-eco-elitism. The thoroughly dejected Team acting on Sam’s proposal decided on a symbolic name, zapatos blancos tribe.
They promised to hold a "Cacerolazo," in front of the Duke President’s residence to demand Duke Leaders act to reduce their shoe sizes. When it was pointed by co-producer Baldo to the zapatos blancos tribe that were the leaders of Duke and that Brodhead was going to bang pots & pans in front of where he lives Larry Moneta jumped in, “ It’s educational and we are not into personal gratification!”
Sam also excused Dean Sue from the protest since she was a women and it wasn’t her guilt. Upon hearing the news she remarked, “Thank Goodness, now my parents won’t find out!”
The snooze room reported that two more members of the Dimwit Tribe “resigned” off the DPD. LieStoppers promised that they will still be part the Dimwit Tribe, the only difference is Gottlieb & Himan won’t be carrying guns anymore. The news was created with applause by the production crew.
Moneta also laid out this challenge to the Dimwits, "Just because the Dimwits at ahead 5-1 don't think we won't catch up! Just wait & see, the zapatos blancos tribe is psyched up"
Heard about Town
Trinity Park Residents breathe a huge sigh of relief as the DPD checked out the “noose” that was sighted at the TP Gazebo. Fortunately it was just a small segment of loose rope up in a tree and was not a “noose.” True Incident!
Tony Soprano exclaimed, "You just can't make this sh*t up!"
LATE BREAKING NEWS!
It seems like VP Moneta wasn't just blowing Hot Air again! The Chronicle reported that Duke Chief of Police Robert Dean is retiring.
DUPD head to end four-decade stint
Robert Dean, director of the Duke University Police Department, will retire this year, a University official confirmed Wednesday.
Dean, who came out of retirement in June 2005 to lead DUPD, is calling it quits after more than 40 years with the department, Aaron Graves, associate vice president for campus safety and security, told The Chronicle.
"He has served Duke faithfully and loyally on two occasions," Graves said. "We will now enter a search to replace him and even get the community involved."
Dean could not be reached for comment Wednesday.
The veteran lawman was lured out of retirement three years ago to serve as head of DUPD while the University began searching for a new associate vice president for campus safety and security.
He succeeded previous chief Clarence Birkhead, who stepped down in May 2005 to take up a post leading the Hillsborough Police Department.
"Bob Dean has been a mentor to many of our officers," Kemel Dawkins, vice president for campus services, told Ten Fourteen, DUPD's employee newsletter, in July 2005 when Dean took the position. "He was trusted by people everywhere, from Student Affairs officials who sought out his advice to local reporters. He knows the department, Duke and Durham."
Dean retired in 2003 but returned to DUPD to serve on an interim basis...Chronicle
That's makes Three members of the Durham & Duke PD who have "retired" this week. Strangely enough all three are alleged to have been at the meeting in late March 2006 when City Manger Baker, DPD Chief Chalmers, Duke VP of Security Graves, Duke PD Chief Dean, and other members of Durham & Duke's legal team were told that there would be no SBI DNA matches from Crystal's body swabs to any Lax Team member. They were briefed that the "investigation was going poorly and Crystal could not ID anyone in two attempts. Everyone was urged to move the "Investigation" and find the guilty parties.
Tony Soprano again exclaimed, "You just can't make this sh*t up!"