Thursday, July 17, 2008

LS News! Brodhead to make statement about The Rev Jackson

LS News has learned President Brodhead will make an official statement on the Jesse Jackson controversy today. In prepared remarks, he will say:

“It's disgusting. Racism and its hateful language have no place in any community.”

Although the official transcript of Jackson’s remarks have yet to be released, Brodhead will assert. “Whatever he said was bad enough.”

He will explain he would have commented officially earlier but he is unaware of national news stories unless they are covered by the Chronicle.

Liestoppers News Team has also learned that Brodhead will be joined by Rev. Barber of the NCNAACP. Rev. Barber will decry Jackson’s use of the “language of racial degradation” and call for an NCNAACP monitor to officially scrutinize all of Jackson’s comments going forward. He will join with Duke activists in calling for a boycott of the Rainbow Coalition until Jackson is removed from his leadership position. He will demand Jackson donate a million dollars of his personally extorted wealth to a new fund for those whose lives have been ruined by:

1.being in close proximity to (though not using) the N-word themselves

2. those accused of faux lynch rope placements

3.those who mistakenly used the word “niggardly” around vocabulary-challenged individuals who do not know its definition. (see Websters dictionary for further details)

4. those cauight reading scholarly books with KKK in the title in University break-rooms

Karla Holloway will announce that concerned faculty will once again be running a Listening Ad paid for again with University funds. Some excerpts that have been released include:

"We are listening to Rev. Jackson. Regardless of the results of the Fox investigation, what is apparent everyday now is the anger and fear of many who see illuminated in this moment’s extraordinary spotlight the hypocrisy we ALL now live with in this nation everyday. They know that it isn’t just Jackson, it isn’t everybody, and it isn’t just other race hustlers like him making this disaster.

But it is a disaster nonetheless.

Our students are shouting and whispering about what this reveals about the double standards that exist and are exploited on our campuses and elsewhere.
. . .We want the absence of hypocrisy. But we don’t really know what that means . . . We can’t think. That’s why we’re so silent; we can’t think about what’s on the other side of this. Hypocrisy robs you of validity and you need validity for the healing to begin.

This is not a different experience for us here at Duke University. We are taught in class by racial hypocrites, we go to demonstrations with people who flaunt double standards...It’s part of the experience. WE DEMAND INTEGRITY.

If it turns out that Jackson is guilty, we want them him removed from the public dialogue and disgraced. But his expulsion will only bring resolution to this case and not the bigger problem. This is much bigger than Jackson and throwing him out will not solve the problem. WE want the administration to acknowledge that racial hypocrisy, political correctness, disregard for truth, and a racial double standard (as evidenced in the Lacrosse Hoax) is going on and how bad it is.

What Does A Social Disaster Sound Like?

You go to a party, one person makes a slur, you get persecuted, your face on a wanted poster, your name slammed in the national media, your life tarnished forever, and then you start to question yourself. Why do folks like Jackson get a pass?

. . . no one is really talking about how to keep Jackson"s BLATANT HYPOCRISY , his racial thuggery on the SAME ISSUE central
to this conversation, how to keep his double dealing BEFORE US . . .NO DISTRACTIONS. NO EXCUSES.

We can’t help but think about the different attention given to what has happened from what it would have been if Jesse had been not just black but not a REVEREND, something that’s not so UNTOUCHABLE in our culture today. What if he had been a commentator?

And this is what We're thinking right now – the NATION isn’t really responding to this. Not really. And this, what has happened, is a disaster. This is a social disaster. Till this hypocrisy and double standard are addressed, no post-racial America can exist.

Stay tune for more breaking details after the press conference….

Joan Foster

(Note! No anonymous sources were injured in the making of this parody!)


Anonymous said...

Joan, you have captured the hyopcrisy that is Duke so perfectly. Two years later and the 88 still haven't apologize for what they did. Where is the investigation of their actions? Like Lubiano's book it is forever forthcoming

Anonymous said...

Give me a break. He had to hold his finger to the wind and see which way it was blowing - the same thing he did in the lax hoax. Despicable is too nice an adjective to apply to Brodhead.

Anonymous said...

Turns out the attack poet is also damned funny!

I am even amused by the fact that when people see Brodhead and smile, thinking about what a fool he is, he'll never know. And he thinks he's soooo smart.

Anonymous said...

Bravo Joan!! Very clever and Spot On!

Debrah said...


This is excellent!

Someone please send this to Holloway and the rest of the Gang.

Perhaps "reharmonizer" would like to deliver it to them personally.

Anonymous said...

It's a farce. Jessee vs. Obama. Who is the biggest actor?

Anonymous said...

Do you think that Magnum will give back her scholarship now?

Anonymous said...

Does Brodhead understand that nobody in this universe respects anything he has to say about anything?

He should just scuttle off, burrow into some nice cool soil, and hunt larvae. But please dear god lord, make him stop pretending he still has even a shred of moral authority on any topic.

Anonymous said...

Thanks to Joan for making noise! I am only comfortable talking about this event in my room with close friends. I am actually afraid to even bring it up in public. But worse, I wonder now about everything...

Anonymous said...

What about the investigation into the allegations that Barack Obama's nuts have been cut off? I think some conspiracy to commit testicide charges should be added to the mix. Jesse's computer should be seized.

Anonymous said...

Someone please send this to the Duke 88 gang also everyone needs to know this.