Tuesday, August 01, 2006

He's Losing The Case, He's Losing The Election and Now He's Losing His Mind


In an article entitled, "Durham DA may quit animal control panel", Eric Ferreri of the News and Observer details a pout of an email sent to the Durham County Animal Control Advisory Committee by a "truly dismayed" Mike Nifong who threatened to take his toys and go home. Apparently, the Governor appointed District Attorney of Durham County had his feelings hurt by his fellow board members having signed a petition in support of Lewis Cheek whose ballot spot will now serve as the preferred selection for those who support Anybody But Nifong in the November referendum on Nifong election. In a tantrum reminiscent of both his obscenity laced verbal assault on Kerry Sutton and his vindictive release of Susannah Meadows's private cell phone number and email address, Mr. Nifong whined,
"Since it is apparent that many of you do not have confidence in me, I intend to reassess the position of my office with respect to representation on the board and to inform you of my decision about whether we will continue to participate within the next two weeks."
While one can only wonder who might be next on Mr. Nifong’s petty and vindictive hit list, the announcement of his possible departure from the ACAC has given rise to a new endorsement for Anybody But Nifong. In a rare joint press conference today, Rover and Fluffy have stated their support for Anybody But Nifong. In addition to the endorsement, it appears that the dogs and cats of Durham County have joined forces to start a new Political Action Committee. The Coalition of Durham Animals United Against Nifong is expected to begin operations shortly.

The Pout
I'm not coming to your meetings
I'm not helping anymore
I'm quitting! Yes, I'm quitting!
I'm walking out the door.
I saw Cheek's petitions!
How dare you sign your name!
How dare you cross the Nifong!
I'll get even all the same.

Did you forget my potty mouth?
Heard in the courtroom Hall?
The nasty stuff I always say
No judges make me stop at all.
I'm quitting! I'm leaving!
Let the dogs run wild
Let postmen fear their life and limb
Who cares who bites your child!

This will teach the bunch of you
I can be a vengeful Troll
I might just indict the bunch of you
Nifong takes down ....Animal Control

85 comments:

Anonymous said...

McCheek says--


"Help take a BITE out of crime. Vote for Anybody But Nifong."

Anonymous said...

You've nailed it. He's losing it. How long til he goes over the edge? Can you start a pool, and everybody take guesses?

Anonymous said...

Rover and Fluffy,
Please, PLEASE contact me.There is more to this story than you know. I possess valuable "inside" information.

Let's just say I've seen it all here on November Drive and things are near a crisis point. . Since the Newsweek article came out, I've refused any food that didn't come right out of the can....if you know what I mean.

He is obssessed with negative publicity. He trusts no one. Every night he interrogates me....my life has become one warped Bush's baked bean commercial.

He wants me to wag my tail at his caustic comments like the judges do in court. Well, they are not with him EVERY day.

I put an ABN bumper sticker inside my dog house...he never comes in here.(but who knows with him?) But those two women who hang around here all the time dripped nail polish on the roof.

I got off the chain last night but Gottlieb found me and brought me back. He said, "I'm not going to hit you with this paper, but this other guy is."

There's MORE.

I need help now! Call me.

TILLIE

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

Please tell me Nifong isn't still holding that public urination charge over your furry head?

FLUFFY

Anonymous said...

Dear Fluffy,

Yes. I got fined $100 and with public urination on my record I can't get a civil service job at the pound.

What does Nifong want from us? When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Tillie

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

And what about hate speech? Nifong once called me a "bitch", and the papers said he called Kerry Sutton even worse. Yet he has the gall to publicly denounce name-calling by others.

Fluffy

Anonymous said...

to: Rover & Fluffy
From: Asheboro Zoo

We of the International Order of Zoo Animals-Asheboro Branch are 100% behind our fellow sisters & brothers of Durham. For too long we have to put up with bully humans and it time to take a stance.

Anybody But Nifong

C'sar and Friends

Anonymous said...

This was just passed on to me by an inside source down at the Durham PD. It seems that McGruff & Gottlieb got into shouting match down at the station. McGruff, Durham's Crime Fighting Dog, heard about the "Tillie Incident" and warned Gottlieb that if ever touches Tille he will take a bite out of Gottlieb!

Gottlieb said remember the cook?

Just then cooler heads stepped in to break them apart. Things are getting tense down at the PD!

Anonymous said...

Dear C'sar,

I couldn't agree more. Perhaps a candlelight vigil in honor of our "neutered brothers" is in order. Shall we gather in front of Nifong's house? Some could bang their food bowls, while others howl "He Ain't NIfong, He's Our Brother".

Fluffy

Anonymous said...

Tillie,

Sounds like a good plan. You bring the candles and I'll bring the pots and pans.

Your friend,
Fluffy

Anonymous said...

To Rover and Fluffy,

Tell me is this Nifong dude's bark worse than his bite??

C'sar

Anonymous said...

Dear C'sar,

Why don't we talk about it tonight over drinks at Blincos?

Just stay away from the parking lot, the Durham Cops sometimes get a little wild back there.

Fluffy

Anonymous said...

Again Nifong's insensitivity, indifference and self centeredness shine through. Today, Rocky Mount had a memorial to honor a K-9 killed in action on July 21. This service, I am told, was decided upon the very day Nifong decided to make his boo hoo comments about stepping down.

Once again Nifong proves, it's all about Nifong.

One has to question just how many innocent people have suffered at his hands. Thank goodness most of his work has been in traffic court.







Albehttp://www.rockymounttelegram.com/news/content/news/stories/2006/07/31/memorial.html

Anonymous said...

Fellow mutts,

I join in your outrage at that madman Nifong. When one of us starts wreaking havoc and foaming at the mouth, we're suspected of having rabies.

Does anyone know if Nifong has had his shots?

Titus

Anonymous said...

Grrr! Grrr! Grrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrrrrrrrr!

Anonymous said...

Quitting the Animal Control Board is not going to look good on his resume when he applies for a dog cathing position in January.

Anonymous said...

has anybody hear from Tillie? We are all worried sick about her! The last I heard was she was going to start writing an expose, a tell all on life with Nifong. I hope something bad didn't happen?

Anonymous said...

I hope Tillie is okay. I understand she is forced to take Nifong for long walks, while he mutters "I was sure the dna would match, I was sure the dna would match," over and over.

The only thing that makes these walks bearable is that Tillie gets to wear her "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt.

Titus

Anonymous said...

I hear that guy Monks is going to run as a write-in candidate. Another bite out of Nifong.

Tillie said...

Titus..it's me..Tillie. I have to whisper.
Monk's announcement set him off BIG TIME. I went under a chair for cover.
He's strangely calm now, just laying on the couch... wearing his yellow Nifong tee shirt... singing "Nobody Does It Better" softly to himself.

It seems to soothe him.

Anonymous said...

I was in LA for a few weeks and just got into Durham. Is Durham going to the dogs?

Garfield

Anonymous said...

Tillie, I bet Nifong was lying there thinking up insults to hurl at Monks ...like "Monks rhymes with skunks" or "Hey, Monks. Stay in the monastery." When he starts suggesting "It's time for Monks to kick the oxygen habit" run for your life.

Titus

Tillie said...

OMG!!!Titus! Fluffy!C'sar! OMG!!!

GARFIELD's flown in for the candlelight "We Still Got Bite" vigil planned for this weekend!!!!

Wait till HE sees you all out there! He'll rue the day he got on the bad side of Animal Control!

He taped Monk's announcement. It's gonna be a long night.

Anonymous said...

Tillie, I would be honored to be the one designated to wake Garfield when it is time to howl "This little light of mine," which I believe is the universally recognized vigil anthem.

I don't believe Garfield can keep his eyes open through more than one verse. When we get to "Hide it under a bushel? No!" if we yowl very loudly on "No!", that would help.

Titus

Anonymous said...

Mr. Nifong,

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

Ann Landers

Tillie said...

Ummm-m,excuse me, I'm not feelin' any admiration.
I do what I have to for the Alpo..that's IT!

Anonymous said...

I can't take it anymore! I am Churchill the Bulldog! That's me in the middle of the poster going Grrr! I don't care if Nifong comes after me! Tillie is my friend and no dog should have to put up with her treatment! What is next? Is Nifong going to drive around checking for DNA matches on every fire hydrant in Durham?

Grrr!

Anonymous said...

I can't take it anymore! I am Churchill the Bulldog! That's me in the middle of the poster going Grrr! I don't care if Nifong comes after me! Tillie is my friend and no dog should have to put up with her treatment! What is next? Is Nifong going to drive around checking for DNA matches on every fire hydrant in Durham?

Grrr!

Anonymous said...

To Master Nifong,

Lifes lessons learned from a dog:

1. Be aware of when to hold your tongue and when to use it.

2. When you do something wrong, take immediate responsibility (well as soon as they drag you out from under the bed).

Tillie

LieStoppers said...

It's like a zoo in here! Woof!

Tillie said...

Underneath the kichen table last night...overheard HIM and Gottlieb screaming about the blogs.
CHECK THE CAMPAIGN FINANCIAL STATEMENTS
He's paying for Gottlieb to get hairplugs.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

Since Nifong seems to be lacking both an inner moral compass and basic common sense, I'd like to add an additional "Life Lesson". Each day Nifong should ask himself ...

"What would Scooby Do?"

Titus

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

This is skate's cat, Cashie. How can I help? He just got so mad at those replies on the thread up there he stepped on my tail, and I've had enough. I think he did it on purpose, 'cause he found the "Nifong, Give Frodo Back His Ring" sticker on my water bowl. You know what it's like to read what he says, can you imagine hearing his voice all day?

Anonymous said...

Hold on, Tillie. Help is on the way.
ABN is coming!

Tillie said...

Hey, Cashie,glad to meet ya. Maybe you could just suggest he stick to posting on that Sister Survivor thing...cause they got some Real Big Dogs up there...your tail is in major jeopardy.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie and Cashie,

I don't want to alarm you, but I've just learned that Nifong presented a cost-cutting suggestion to the Animal Control Board. He wanted the local animal shelter to abandon humane procedures, and go to what he called "Jiffy-Spay". YIKES!


Titus

Mike Nifong said...

Tillie? Tillie? Her girl... C'mon Tillie, I was only teasing about quitting that board. Dontcha wanna play Daddy Climbs Mount Tillie no more?

Don't make me pull out my Gottlieb on you!

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

That's the worst of all, when he posts over on the sister survivors site. He gets all excited and, well, you don't want to hear. I just wish he'd stop trying to train me to jump through hoops.

Cashie

skatemd said...

Cashie? Are you in here? Come to mama, sweetie. I have some catnip for you. Really, Cashie. Mama's not lying this time.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie and Cashie,

Is it true that when meeting with defense attorneys in the judge's chamber, Nifong giggles uncontrollably at the mention of "briefs"?

Titus

Tillie said...

Hear him calling me up there? Man, I can't take much more of this. Every time he bends over to give me a biscuit, I gotta look right at that big wart on his head.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

He gave you a biscuit? That's good to hear. I understand he won't feed his goldfish on any day ending in "y".

Titus

Cashie said...

Yes, tillie, these guys are sorta control freaks, huh, calling all the time?
Believe him this time? I ask for catnip, and all I ever get is baloney!

Tillie said...

Goldfish? Goldfish? They got rid of him a week ago.
Gottlieb put poor Goldie in a box with a note, "Enter this campaign, Lew, and you'll be swimming with the fishes"
My God, it worked.

Anonymous said...

Tillie,

Closely related post earlier on the N&O blog:

Free At Last

Durham doggies that may have at one point in time in their lives been unlicensed for a day or two may now be free from the terror of being randomly picked up, impounded and interrogated about their earlier cab fares, I mean license indiscretions.

Cab driver Moezeldin Elmostafa was unavailable for comment for this post.

http://www.newsobserver.com/1185/story/466495.html

EMU

Anonymous said...

Oh, Tillie, poor Goldie. I guess that's what Nifong's hamster Greta meant when she said, "Nifong made Cheek an offer he couldn't refuse."

You don't suppose he actually slipped the dearly departed Goldie into Cheek's bed as he slept, do ya?

Tillie

Tillie said...

We had a hamster once. One of the "Nailpolish" ladies said it had "fine, fine hair."
He spent a week in front of the mirror with a new pomade.
Soon after, the hamster was seen no more.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tillie,

Nifong spent a week in front of a mirror? Only a magic mirror could survive that. Was he heard asking, "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who's the most evil DA of all?"

He's certainly worked hard to earn that distinction.

Titus

Marco said...

Guys Be Careful! I just heard that Gottlieb is cruising and rounding up dogs & cats off their front porches! They were all licensed & minding their own business! I don't what's happening? Stay indoors!

Churchill

Anonymous said...

Dear Churchill,

My sources tell me that Nifong is charging some Cycle 3 dogs with "learning new tricks". Some others are being charged with falsely claiming to still be Cycle 2s.

Titus

Marco said...

Titus,

Things are getting bad on November Street. I saw him come home swearing and talking to himself. Gottlieb keeps going up & down the street looking for anybody outside. Has anyone called the Animal Civil Liberty Union? We need help! When will the Humans in Durham wise up & get rid of this guy?

Churchill

Anonymous said...

Gottlieb got them. They are calling them the November Street Gang of 7. They are being charges with excessive barking and public urination! They won't even let them make a call!

I hear it's pretty bad conditions. But Churchill,keeps saying a quote from his namesake.

"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

Anonymous said...

I'm sad to report that Nifong's nefarious actions have caused ugly species divisions to flourish once again. The New Black Lab Party has resurrected the old "Two legs bad, four legs good" mantra.

Only stopping this madman Nifong on Nov. 7 can save us now.

Titus

Tillie said...

I'm writing from as far back in the Doghouse as I can get. Here's the inside scoop on the "November Street Gang of Seven."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The sweet old lady across the street came over crying. She had time stamped photos of her pooch sitting right on her porch. HE slammed the door in her face and refused to look at them.

Churchill's owner came next..he had all the shot records and AKC stuff. Gottlieb kept yelling at me, "Sic um! Sic um!" Lord, what a madhouse!

HE was on the phone this morning. He's demanding every one of these dogs be re-tested for RABIES!!!

"Hey, Durham's got the dough!" he snarled."This will get me back my gig on Nancy Grace."

Anonymous said...

Another strange one was the arrest of McGruff, Durham's crime fighting dog,who was sweeping up the Officer's break room at the PD. We hear he is being brought up in front of Judge Stephens for brandishing a weapon, a broom! What maddness!

Tillie said...

McGruff Too?!!

The word on the street is poor Churchill dragged home a white shoe! I have a plan though...more later.

Anonymous said...

Nancy Grace was on TV last night calling for all males to be castrated. She later corrected that to mean all male dogs. The press here in Durham are running stories about dogs urinating on fire hyrdants and barking late at night. Nifong said slurs were used and pointed out that female dogs were being called bitches!

tillie said...

Oh My God!! I just saw him apply that chokehold to McGruff. When will the madness end?

Anonymous said...

A case of mistaken identity.

I was just told that it wasn’t Churchill that was arrested, but his litter mate Poirot! Look at the line-up! Gottlieb doesn’t even know it! Churchill said that his brother had just arrived for a visit and wasn’t there just a few minutes when Gottlieb came & took him off the porch. Churchill set up a secret underground doghouse somewhere in Durham.

It was passed on by a friendly guard that Poirot is demanding to see the Belgian authorities but all he gets is nasty remarks from Gottlieb. “Do you want some of the same the cook got?”

But the good news is that Poirot swears he will solve this case & is used to Police incompetence. But he does complain the food is Inedible! “Sacre bleu!”

A Human said...

That Durham PD Line-Up can’t be right. It actually has a filler.

Cashie….is that you??

Anonymous said...

Based on Nifong's behavior, I believe he is missing far, far too many "little grey cells," mon ami.

Titus

Anonymous said...

Poor Cashie must have been thrown into that line up for talking too much.

Anonymous said...

Overheard at the vet:

Vet: You've got a bad bite on your cheek Tillie. What happened?

Tillie: Nifong asked me who I was voting for.

Vet: What did you tell him?

Tillie: I told him I was voting for Cheek.

Vet: What did he say.

Tillie: Nothing. He bit me.

cashie said...

No, anonymous, I am not the one who talks too much in that house. They jerked me into the lineup because they found me trying to stuff a sock in skate's mouth while he was asleep!

Anonymous said...

Just in

Deep Inside Churchill’s Secret Underground Doghouse

Churchill is pacing back & forth. He has taken up to smoking the cigars. He quit a while back ago but the stress has been too much, and it’s just another bad habit during war time.

He just heard from the Parrot. It is a secret way of finding out what is happening in the Nifong County Dungeon. He is amazed the way his fellow animals have risen to the occasion

The Parrot says the Gang is holding up well, but Gottlieb is walking up and down cell row cursing that that Blinco Cook is going to get his. Nifong dropped in and told McGruff his crime fighting days are numbered and that Himan has sworned out a statement he saw him urinating on the fire hydrant on November Street! McGruff told Nifong just another lie from the masters of prevarication, Gottlieb, Himan, and Clayton!

Churchill is working on a plan
"When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"

cashie said...

Oh, no, Gottlieb says they want $2 million dollars to do a deal and get me out. Even doctors don't have that kind of money!

Anonymous said...

Secret Informer says this may be about the night Gottlieb dropped off Nifong after a late night visit to the Bunnyhole. Nifong thought he saw a dog & cat looking at them as he was getting out of the patrol car. Since that time Nifong been on a warpath looking for that cat & dog.

The bunnies aren't talking.

cashie said...

cashie said...

Oh, no, Gottlieb says they want $2 million dollars to do a deal and get me out. Even doctors don't have that kind of money!

4:53 PM

I forgot to say - as if!
There's no $2 million deal after all, I'm stuck. Anybody got a saw?

Anonymous said...

"When a man's dog turns against him its time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama."
Mark Twain.

Overheard in Durham

Tillie: Mrs. Nifong should I call On Time Taxi Service for you?

Cy Nifong: Yes. Thank you.

Tillie: OK. They want to know do you want to go directly to your mama's house or do you want to stop at the ATM and Cookout first?

Anonymous said...

Overheard in Durham

Tillie to Cy" Mrs. Nifong shall I call On-Time Taxi for you???

Anonymous said...

We finally got some good news Churchill has just announced the famous defense attorney Cheshire the Cat is going to take on the case pro bone. Cheshire said he will donate the bones to the old dog's home. Who says Cats & Dogs can't get along!

First thing Cheshire said to Nifong was, "Read the File and please start using the Litter Box in your Office"

cashie said...

(purring)
The Cheshire Cat is coming! This is the first good news since skate picked me from the litter when I was a kitten. A LOCAL litter, you understand. I tried hard to get him to pick my sister, who is white and blue-eyed and deaf and really wouldn't mind being around the constant noise that much, but, ohhh, no. Ah, well, the Cheshire Cat is coming! Happy Days are Here Again!

Anonymous said...

Tillie: I hear Nifong is going to enter the Witness Protection Program.

Chesire Cat: The man is so desperate, he'll do anything to try and find a witness.

Anonymous said...

meanwhile the parrot has reported in.

Poirot is demanding his Merrick French Country Cafe Dog Food be served in a silver bowl. He said what kind of civilized country is this?

cashie said...

(batting eyelashes and curling tail)

Oh, Cheshire Cat, you're here at last!
Can't you please get us out - at least on bail? I've been locked in this cell for days with five dogs, and, well, you know, no offense guys, but cats rule and dogs DROOL and a few other things that don't bear mentioning.
Himan keeps coming by wondering where he can find a witness to testify that he gave Precious a medical exam at 11:15 and her, (blush) er, genital areas were unswollen at that time. If I tell him skate will do it, do you think he'll let me go? He says he didn't know he had to investigate Precious, too, and do they pay him enough for THAT?

tillie said...

Oh My God, the SOB just sat down to read the front page of the Sunday N&O!!!

cashie said...

Do you suppose skate would shut up if I slipped a date rape drug in his beer?

Anonymous said...

Good News! The Gang of Seven has been sprung. The gang got out when the NC Zoo put up the bail!

Rumor has it the DNA samples came back and the urine sample from the fire hyrant matched to a sample named Baldo!

Nifong isn't a happy man and Tillie stays in her dog house.

Tillie said...

When do I get my own blog and a star dressing room?

cashie said...

uh, Tillie, can I come stay with you tonight? It is just not safe at skate's house. He has torn out all his hair, he’s crying over his keyboard, and he’s starting to kick things..
"How could he? How could he? My hero a traitor, won over to the dark side by the non-local Cheshire Cat and sidekick Brad Basset! Well, I guess maybe it's okay, I guess I can say he's just focusing on Nifong and he just spent all week playing hotshot calling people racists on the boards so he's just trying to throw a tiny bone or something. He still supports the AV. Just not cousin jakki. Or Mike Nifong. Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh. What am I going to do, they are going to KILL me on those boards, etc., etc., etc."
Oh, Tillie, my ears hurt so much. With Nifong at the beach on his third summer vacation, it's quiet here. So could I stay, Tillie, please?

Liestoppers said...

Liestoppers is pleased to announce that Tillie has returned from a well deserved vacation.

Durham Animal Control said...

Overheard in Durham:

Chesire Cat: Tillie, you look so sad. What's the matter?

Tillie: I asked Nifong for a raise.

Chesire Cat: So what did he say?

Tillie: He said no, he might be out of a job come November.

Chesire Cat: Well at least there will be a new TOP Dog in town.

at the pound said...

Fluffy: Hi Tillie. Where are you off to in such a hurry?

Tille: I can't talk now. I'm off to the salon to get a haircut and my paws done.

Fluffy: What's the rush?

Tillie: 60 Minutes called. They want to interview me for the show about the Duke Lacrosse Hoax.

Fluffy: 60 Minutes called you? What do they want to talk to you about?

Tillie: Well, they want to talk about Nifong. It's a big story, so I'll only have time to say two words.

Fluffy: What will you say?

Tillie: Vote Cheek.

cashie said...

Tillie, skate is losing it again. He goes into a new tirade every time he sees a CAR. He keeps muttering something about how at least he can spell better. I wish he'd spell less!

Anonymous said...

skate said..........
That car sure is low class and he can't spell neither. The vampires o Wake are coming for me now! Will somebody cover my 25:1 bet on the Dukies.