Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Invitations To Nifong's Swearing In


Intercepted Invitations to Today's Farce:

To Gov. Mike Easley:
Sorry you can’t attend I was so looking forward to that picture of us smiling together!
Your protege, Mike
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To Steve Monks:
I couldn't have done this without you. Really wanted you to hold the bible for me today, Stevie. You and your supporters, you made this happen!.
Sit next to me please.
.
To John Bourlon:
I don't care if Tuesday's your standing Hair Hut appointment, you need to be here!
.
To Judge Ron Stephens:
Please stay for the party afterward, Ron. I'll always be grateful you held Cheshire at bay back on June 22. Couldn't have made it through the election without you!
Friends forever, Mike
.
To Judge Bushfan:
Uh, they haven't found anyone who'll actually do the swearing at my swearing in. Would you mind?
.
To David Hoke:
Thanks for the advice on dealing with Bar Ethics complaints. Always helps to hear from someone whose "been there." Please RSVP, FRIEND
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To Greta Van Sustern:
Greta, please come! Five family members confirm that Crystal is attending the swearing in and bringing the newborn Lacrosse baby . . . red cheeks, fluffy hair, chubby, tiny mustache. Another exclusive for you!
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To Wendy Murphy:
The best part of all of this was discovering that we were twins, separated at birth. Let's wear our matching outfits.
.
My Dearest Duff:
I understand your reservations about attending but I really don't expect any of those damn bloggers to be there.
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To Bob Ashley:
Hey old buddy, old pal . . . you can't stay away! Bob, for God's Sake . . . it was the NEW YORK TIMES!!!
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To John Stevenson:
Can you stop and pick up my dry cleaning?
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To Rita Cosby:
Glad you can make it! No, I have no idea who Bourlon's hairdresser is . . . but I think Cousin Jakki uses the same one. Ask them at the party.
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To President Dick Brodhead:
Sometimes doing nothing tells more about a man’s character than anything else. You're the Ying to my Yang.
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To John Burness:
No there won’t be a buffet line afterwards!
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To Linwood Wilson:
Thanks for offering to sing at my swearing ceremony. So far I have received twenty RSVPs, no was it five, no it was three replies...
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To Mark Gottlieb:
Yes, there will be an open bar.
.
Dean Sue:
No, you will not be needing an attorney, just don’t tell your parents.
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To Elmo:
What do you mean "for Me" the fare is $500 to drive anyone to the Courthouse?
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To Jarriel Johnson:
Do you mind driving?
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To Kerry Sutton:
You stay and clean up afterwards.
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To Butch Williams:
Make sure you're here early to help park cars. Get Kerry if you need help.
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To Patrick Baker:
No, I don't think the Feds are here yet. It should be safe.
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To Irving Joyner:
You are the wind beneath my wings. Thanks for saying my case is stronger!
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To Cash:
What would a party be without the Cashster?
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To Cousin Jakki:
Of course we want you here . . . you're sitting with Victoria. Just lose the fishnet stockings.
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To Susan Filan:
Wear the fishnet stockings, Babe. Always confident around you.
Love,
Your Rodeo Cowboy
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To Destine Couch:
No, I didn't mention to your Mother you were bringing Miss "Chocolate Lover." Don't worry, we''ll sit her in the back.
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To Destine Couch:
Not that it matters, but is she wearing fishnets?
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To Candy Clark:
Be sure and wear that leopard outfit C. Destine likes. Make sure you comp my Victim for the bar and parking. See if you can borrow the Lacrosse baby.
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To Attorney General Gonzales:
No we will not have enough room for 25 agents. Um-m-m, you say they need long term "housing" not motel rooms? Explain please.
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To My Fellow NC District Attorneys and the State Bar:
%$#&^&**. %$&^&*

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too funny, LS!!

Anonymous said...

Satire at its best - based on the truth.

Chicago said...

To Bob Harris-

I want you there Bob, let's make peace...this isn't about Duke, this isn't about Duke at all. It is about my agenda.

Anonymous said...

who gets invited to the inagural ball at the Taco Bell ? who gets to attend the better one at the Pizza Hut ?

Anonymous said...

Very funny.

Please don't forget Victoria Peterson "you bring the chips".

Anonymous said...

To Police Chief Chalmers

Sorry you will be away on vacation, AGAIN.

Chicago said...

10:10 and 10:19-

Those two were hilarious!

Anonymous said...

He should have sent a group invitation to all the other lawyers that were disappointed that their clients were not indicted. At least they could have participated in the hoax a little bit.

Guy Fox said...

Bloody brilliant. :)