Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Swagger Started Long Ago, Brodhead Morning Briefing 5

John Burness watches the New Black Panther Party Rally in May 2006.

The Swagger Started Long Ago
Brodhead Morning Briefing 5

Good Morning President Brodhead!
No, I didn't oversleep.
The International House of Pancakes
Was having a big All-You-Can-Eat!

Did you see my quote in Newsday?
About why Pressler got the boot?
Thought I'd get in another shot,
While he's trying to recruit!

I think we came off very well
It's time to play offense.
Folks should find it uber-droll
YOU...calling Danowski...a "mench."

The article got across our narrative
The Brodhead-Burness Creed.
OUR "reputation" is "paramount!"
Kick the kids out in the street!

And any one who thinks of suing
Will now have second thoughts!
They'd face revelations of "loud music!"
And criminal urination off the porch!

I emphasized the "arrogance."
Oh no, not of YOU and ME!
Oh, drat, this is a brand new suit!
And I dribbled maple syrup on my knee!

Yeah, I was at my verbal best
Did you catch my parting thrust?
When he asked about apologies...
I countered back, "For what?"

Dick, do you know you're very lucky?
I'm not just savvy with the Press!
Who best to personify Duke University...
Then the glib, glamourous...John Burness!
Joan Foster

30 comments:

David Cathcart said...

Great story. With PR people like Burness, President Broadhead doesn't need enemies. What arrogance. Mohomad Ali could get away with the rope a doop- Burness can't.

Anonymous said...

When will the Board of Trustees step in and stop the fools who are running this Great University into the ground?

From the "prejudice" Duke 88 to the "cowardly" Brodhead to the "Vitroholic"" Burness, Duke is being seriously harmed.

It will only get worst once the charges are dismissed as the real stories of Duke's actions in this case are revealed.

All I can say is GO Duke Lacrosse Families!

Anonymous said...

Joan Foster: love your awesome wit!

Wish it had some impact on Burness and make him quit.

We know that won't happen, though - not even a maybe,

Next question then is: when does Burness have Demon Marcus' baby?

bill anderson said...

Joan,

I will make sure I never get on your bad side! This was great verse -- and done on the fly at that! You go, Joan!

Anonymous said...

Morbid obesity
Morbid obesity is an illness

Can't wait to see your parody on mental illness, prostate cancer, breast cancer, diabetes, etc
I have had both breasts removed for cancer, send a photographer I'll take off my shirt for you.

Yuk yuk yuk

Anonymous said...

To 12:44

I'm sorry to hear about your cancer and I wish you good health in the future.

Obesity is preventable. I'm shocked to hear you equate obesity with cancer, but carry on.

wayne fontes said...

Any one know who the guy behind Burness is. The one in the grey coat.

Anonymous said...

Burness is a white male at a private college. We can say anything we want about him without fear of consequences.

Anonymous said...

Great Googly Moogly! He had multiple personalities he could hold his own convention!

Anonymous said...

To 1:11

Your well wishes are appreciated. All I can say is thank goodness I have a socially acceptable illness like breast cancer instead of the politically incorrect, morbid obesity.

I wish you would acquire knowledge about morbid obesity and other illnesses. You have rejected the MSM on the Duke Hoax, why believe them on this.

joan foster said...

Yesterday, Mr. Burness took a cheap shot in this article at Coach Pressler. At the height of Lacrosse recruiting season in Long Island, Burness spoke to the largest Long Island newspaper, implying Duke Coaches are now responsible..referencing the fact that Pressler had been fired therefore implying Presler WAS NOT. He implied Pressler didn't "get it." Must Burness make it hard for Pressler to even do his new job?

Pressler endured death threats, was apart from his family for months till his house sold. The man is trying to start over. How cruel to make sport of him in the Long Island paper. Burness is a highly paid executive at Duke. Is this their code of conduct?

His arrogance, cruelty and the callousness of his "For what?" to the families of boys who were kicked to the curb by this university...were the feelings that underscored this bit of spoof.
Burness is riding high, unlike Coach Pressler the man HE chose to try to hurt once again.

Morbid obesity is a disease.It's not the focus of this poem. His arrogance is!

Anonymous said...

gs

Why is it so hard for these group 88 and the other duke hoax supporters to keep their months shut?


They keep digging themselves and duke in deeper.

David Cathcart said...

Hoax's Heros

Colonel Broadhead: BURNESS- did you give another stupid interview about the False Fraulein?

Sergeant Burness: I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!

Anonymous said...

RE: Joan Foster

No, I didn't oversleep.
The International House of Pancakes
Was having a big All-You-Can-Eat!

Oh, drat, this is a brand new suit!
And I dribbled maple syrup on my knee!

Who best to personify Duke University...
Then the glib, glamourous...John Burness!


I think everyone here is aware of the article on which your work was based. The above lines under the photo of a morbidly obese John Burness led me to believe that one had something to do with the other and it significantly dulled your political dagger.

You can be profound, it is in you. Why not make some rhymes more to the point like this:

Pressler endured death threats,
was apart from his family for months
till his house sold. The man is trying to start over.
How cruel to make sport of him in the Long Island paper.
Burness is a highly paid executive at Duke.
Is this their code of conduct?

His arrogance, cruelty and the callousness of his "For what?"
to the families of boys who were kicked to the curb
by this university...were the feelings that underscored
this bit of spoof.
Burness is riding high,
unlike Coach Pressler the man HE chose to try to hurt once again.

joan foster said...

2:52

Your point is well taken. I'll give it some thought, that's certain. I'll need some distance from the cruelty of Burness' comments first.

Thank you.I understand your view.

Anonymous said...

It may end tommorrow, please check out abc local.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=3026859&page=1

Anonymous said...

12:44&1:55,
oh PUUUHLEASE...... Talk about going overboard with the pathetic PC patter......

Anonymous said...

Let's see... we're worried about poking fun at Mr. Burness at being overweight. Hmmmm... and Joan should apologize? For what?? What ever he did was bad enough.

Anonymous said...

I looked under "pompous ass" in my dictionary and saw that very same picture.

Anonymous said...

The News&Observer just published the following:

"Reade Seligmann, one of the three accused in the Duke lacrosse case, arrived at Raleigh-Durham International Airport this afternoon. The father of another player, Collin Finnerty, said he and his family were also flying to Raleigh today."

Could it be that an announcement is imminent?

Anonymous said...

Yes!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but that man is not morbidly obese, he's grossly overweight, but if he were morbidly obese I doubt he would be standing up. That's a picture of a man who eats too much and exercises too little. That's not a disease, that's a lifestyle.

Anonymous said...

Re pic of Burness:

It explains a lot. Take a look at the pic of Burness compared to the video of RS arriving at RDU today. No wonder Burness hates RS. RS is everything Burness would want to be and probably never was.

Additionally if Burness has a sex life, it is most surely through the graces of the Durham sex trade workers, thus adding another explanation to his misplaced loyalties.

Anonymous said...

Morbid obesity is defined as having a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more.
This equates to approximately 100 pounds more than ideal weight.
BMI Calculator at:
http://www.obesity.org/subs/fastfacts/morbidobesity.shtml

Anonymous said...

why bother with his size? he hates us! enough said.

Anonymous said...

I really am sorry that Burness is morbidly obese. Did I owe him an apology? For what?

bill anderson said...

No apologies necessary. Equating any disorders that the pompous Burness might have to cancer is ridiculous.

Joan, I am sorry that someone chose to put you on the defensive using the typical PC jargon. You were NOT making fun of someone with breast cancer; you were dealing with a man whose mouth is out of control. Maybe diarrhea of the mouth is a disease, too!

Anonymous said...

response to wayne fontes said...

Any one know who the guy behind Burness is. The one in the grey coat.

1:20 PM


The guy in the grey coat is the famous (infamous?) Larry Moneta!

Anonymous said...

Very funny and a great ditty.

Anonymous said...

Mordibly obese is being twice a person. Rhode Island and Providence is beautiful, The people are smart and funny. Compared to Durham, Pressler must think he is in heaven. All the best to this man and his family.