Are you a former Asst District Attorney?
Miss the good old days of accusing people?
Tired of endless hours of tedious legal research?
Attend this Award Winning Seminar
Learn from the Best!
A Specially Trained Group of Mike’s Supporters
A Special Message from Mike to You!
I know you have always looked wistfully at those Legal Talking heads on TV. I did too. It seemed so easy. All you have to do is spout some legal principle and look pretty. Someone does your hair and make-up, dresses you, and you collect that check. Pretty soon they are calling you by your first name, and your tab is picked up at the best restaurants.
Let’s be honest after you left the DA’s Office nothing was ever quite the same. For all of those years of power, accusing people was so gratifying, but you knew you weren’t going anywhere pleading cases of extreme urination. I know. I spent 27 years of being an asst DA until I worked my way out of Traffic Court and invented the Nifong Method. But how many DAs positions are there? I am not giving my job up.
So what are you going to do?
Attend My Seminar and cash in on the newest Gold Rush!
Become a Professional DA Talking Head!
Let’s be honest! Crime is here to stay and so is the Media. The Cable News Networks love seedy and scandalous court cases as they suck viewers in and garner high ratings. From a molester in California, to a teacher having sex with her students, to corrupt politicians . . . all gather attention. Who cares if a crime really happened, that’s what juries are for! Your job is to be a part of the exciting world of TV Justice! The high-priced attorneys take up the defensive viewpoint. You won’t find many ex-DAs working on that side.
In my research on the media I discovered they would put anything on the air so I took my body of work and distilled it down for you.
The Famous Nifong Method is now available for Talking Heads!
Sorry I can’t be there as I am busy right now but I put a special team of woman together to teach this seminar. I call them, My Girls!
NOTE! You must read Mike's best selling book, Nifonging Your Way To Success with Nifongian Mathematics and complete Mike’s two earlier seminars, Nifonging Your Way To Success and Advanced Case Management for Losers to qualify for enrollment. So much of what you are going to say on TV comes from the Zen Master himself. You'll need those Seminars too.
In this seminar you will learn the keys to a successful entertainment career. Who knows it might lead to cameo appearances or your own show?
The Basic Facts - TV Justice is Entertainment
1) Telling the truth is not important, the ratings are!
2) The more upsetting the topic, the better the ratings will be!
You are On-Camera, now what do you do? What do you say?
No Sweat - Nobody pays attention to Details
1) This isn’t a courtroom, you don’t have to prove anything, and the State Bar isn't watching!
2) Just follow the script!
3) You can pretty much lie, enjoy the freedom! Truth doesn't matter so you never have to fact check anything. Just disagree with everything that points at innocence! Who remembers all of those people who were saying OJ was innocent?
4) The host & opposing side doesn’t study much either. You will be surprised how little they actually study the facts and how easy it is to put forth false information unchecked!
5) (ABC) Always be Controversial
Learn the Shuffle the Deck Maneuver
When they want to talk about evidence, change the subject. When in doubt break out allegations of unsavory behavior, alleged racial slurs, and drinking. This always gets them.
Nifongese for Professional Talking Heads
Learn a special form of Nifongese. Mike personally worked to translate his research into a specially created sub-set of Nifongese just for talking heads. He developed these patented phrases.
“He looked into her eyes and he believed her”
“They were no Angels!”
"He must have something."
"They haven't asked for a speedy trial, they must be guilty."
"The Grand Jury indicted, they must be guilty."
Shake your head disapprovingly when somebody is making a good point!
Learn the head bob!
Tilt your head to the side when someone says something that you can't answer and pretend you don’t understand!
Techniques and Tips
Learn to talk while sneering.
Using alliteration allows you to spit on your opponent, which is always enjoyable. Example, "powerful privileged players pounded poor Precious."
Monopolization of time: Learning to breathe mid-sentence allows Nifong Method grads to never "finish" a point, but continue speaking without interruption, leaving little time for anyone else to speak. A time-wasting corollary is to always preceed your comments with a needless phrase like, "Well, Dan/Tucker/Catherine, Let me just say this..." spoken in slow motion.
Grand Jury Excuse
Another one of those special freebies if you're lucky and the case is in North Carolina where no transcripts are kept. You can say anything. They were indicted! They must have heard something!
Mike’s Special Discovery Method
He calls it the “No Evidence-No Problem”
No DNA to back you up? Be Creative: invented inanimate objects and hints at condoms work perfectly even when they contradict the accuser's own statements!
Conflicting stories to justify? Don't forget to hint at a date rape drug.
An air tight alibi to beat? Use the courtroom tested, "If I had to speculate, I'd say this whole event took five minutes, maybe 10 minutes at the outside. I would ask the court to take judicial notice that when something happens to you that is really awful, it seems to take longer than it actually takes."
Use Murphy’s Law
Tell them Discovery isn’t over yet! Don’t call it stalling! Call it a thorough investigation!
Use the Work Product excuse and act indignant when someone brings up those messy meetings when we frame, err , coordinate facts!
Use the “Ted” when all else fails. Demand this has to go to a Jury to be Fair! Who can argue with that?
When cornered, don't forget to use my phrase. "To my knowledge, uhm."
After the Show
When you’re off the air just remember to tell the other side you know the DA doesn’t have a case. You were just playing along! They will understand, they are actors too. Then, go get that free dinner!